If you spent the past weekend like me, glued to Fox News coverage of the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), you’ll likely agree that the Obama administration has proved itself to be an irredeemable failure. It’s been one month. Case closed.
I know what you’re thinking: We need to draft Rush Limbaugh for president in 2012. After watching Rush turn his 20-minute keynote speech into a rambling two hour and 45-minute stem-winder, we know that he can frame the issues like nobody’s business. As the corpulent and sweaty king of political talk-jocks noted, the Democrat Party advocates for “socialism, collectivism, Stalin, whatever you’re going to call it.” Right-thinking folks, or even those not accustomed to thinking or looking beyond the tips of their noses, understand that the Republicans, the “real conservative” GOPers, are the standard-bearers of capitalism — now under threat from the liberals and Maoists.
“They see these inequalities, these inequities that capitalism produces,” Rush said of the Obamaniacs, those who have drunk the Kool-Aid. “How do they try to fix it? Do they try to elevate those at the bottom? No, they try to tear down the people at the top.”
Are you getting angry? About those who want to tear down the zombie bank CEOs and hedge fund managers? People like John Paulson, of Paulson and Co., who made $3.7 billion in 2007? Tear them down? Never! We say, bail them out!
But let’s face facts: El Rushbo is not going to run in 2012; he’s not even going to waddle.
Let’s think a little closer to home. Think Sixth Congressional District: La Bachmann!
Sarah Palin was the undisputed star of the 2008 political season, but Bachmann really stole the show with her appearance on MSNBC’s Hardball, when she told Chris Matthews that Obama “may hold anti-American views,” and that members of Congress should be investigated to determine who is “pro-America or anti-America.” Tail-gunner Joe McCarthy would have been proud.
And Michele Bachmann made a great emcee at CPAC, especially when she lauded the speech by the new African-American chairman of the Republican National Committee: “Michael Steele, you be da man! You be da man.” Bachmann knows her Ebonics; she’ll pick up votes in the hard-left precincts of south Minneapolis with that mastery of the hip lingo.
Of course, there will be naysayers and nattering nabobs of negativism along the 2012 campaign trail. She’ll have to contend with nasty critics like Keith Olbermann, who has a peculiar fascination with Rep. Bachmann, and has featured her in his shtick called “Worst Person in the World.” Olbermann is clearly intrigued by the Bachmann factor and frequently showcases her interviews on his show. (“Look at me trying to talk sense to an android,” he recently commented.)
Finally, in Michele Bachmann we have a presidential contender who has the mettle to withstand the denigrating epithets that will come her way: “dumber than a bag of hammers,” “religious zealot nutcase,” “nutbag,” “an embarrassment to Minnesota,” “lacking a moral compass,” and “a couple of poppy seeds short of a hamantasch.”
If the Republicans are going to rise from the ashes, like the mythical phoenix, in 2012, there is little doubt that they have to be bold. At this early stage in the race, there is only one ticket that makes sense: Michele Bachmann and Joe the Plumber.
And, oh yeah: Happy Purim! Don’t drink and drive.
— Mordechai from Shushan
(Purim edition SPOOF / 3.6.09)
